Adele over at Circus Queen has currently posted a guest post written by Ericka from Mum in the South asking “What’s the best age gap between siblings?”.
To be honest, Ben and I know that we want to have more children at some point (if we are fortunate enough that is): Ben in fact would welcome baby no2 rather sooner than later, because he loved being close in age to his sister, they aren’t even a year apart, but I haven’t given this whole age gap thing much thought yet, because I am not entirely sure, if it really matters how big a gap there is between your children.
You might argue that it’s more practical to have your children closer together, because you don’t have to buy all the baby gear you will need or because you are already used to the lack of sleep. Or you might think that having a little age gap between your children will make them best friends that entertain each other, when you have to have to do the housework, but I’m quite sure that there is no perfect age gap between siblings. There are pros and cons no matter from which side you look at the discussion. While my sister in law thinks the six year age gap between her daughters is great, I found the almost six years between my sister and me rather big at times. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister to bits, I really do, but I didn’t always get along with her as good as I do today.
My sister was born four months before my sixth birthday and if I am being completely honest, it was a shock to my system. I had always wanted a sister and when my parents told me that I would have a brother or sister, I was incredibly proud. Then came the day when I got to meet her in hospital and apparently I was a little underwhelmed when the nurse held her up behind the window. ‘Can we exchange her?’, I asked my grandad. I was used to having my parents all to myself and having their full attention whatever I did. Having to share it with a new baby did not go down well with me and for some reason the feeling of having to fight for praise and attention didn’t leave me until I finished school.
I don’t know why it was then, but when I started uni, my sister and I just clicked and got on much better. Before, we were constantly arguing, mostly because my sister wanted to ‘play with us’ when I had friends round or I thought that my dad treated me unfair, because he preferred my sister over me. I often felt misunderstood and thought that I got the blame for things that I hadn’t even done. Once I had finished school, we got so much closer. We started doing things together and to really enjoy each other’s company. We went shopping. To the ice-cream parlour or the cinema. We ganged up on our parents, planned holidays together or smeared revoltingly smelling masks on our faces while we were weeping into our tissues when Mufasa fell down the cliff on one of our ten thousand “The Lion King” evenings. Once the world’s biggest enemies (from my side of things), my sister and I became best friends.
Getting older has opened my eyes: All my sister ever wanted was my attention and friendship, while I was feeling sorry for myself and begrudging that I wasn’t the number 1 any more. My little sister was always there for me, often being much more mature than I was back then. Sticking up for me and convincing my dad to let me go to parties that he didn’t want to let me go to. Pulling me out of some serious trouble and taking some down-right nastiness from me. Getting older has showed me that there was no need to be jealous. That all my parents did was take my sister by their hands to show her things that they knew I could do on my own. Getting older has showed me that I have the most amazing sister in the world. She could have given up on us ever becoming friends. She could have turned her back on me and walked away. But she didn’t and that’s why I love her more than words can say. A little girl, almost 6 years younger than me, has showed me what the true bond between sisters can mean and that’s why our age gap was just perfect – for me.
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Thanks for sharing so honestly about your relationship with your sister. It's interesting that despite it all you think the six-year age gap was right for you two. I guess it doesn't really matter at the end of the day Personally I'd like to get the baby days done in one lot though maybe that will make me want a third child later on? Better warn the husband about that!
No, I don't know if I had been less jealous, if we had been closer in age. I have a number of friends who are close in age with their siblings, but that's the only thing that they are close in. I think it really depends on both personalities, if you become close or not and sometimes you can be the best friends as a child but not get along as adults or you can be like me and my sister and the other way round.
I honestly don't think there is an ideal time. I know people with small gaps, who are exhausted but claim the children's bonds are brilliant. And I know people like my brother and I, who never had a bond growing up, (we're 10 yrs apart) but we have complete respect for each other now, and can talk for hours. There is good and bad to everything
My bifg sister has never got to this point she is still jealous of me and unkind to me and I try desperately hard to get her to like me and my parents have both now passed away and their is only us. Your postshas reall ytouched me
I’m so sorry to hear this, Becky and I really hope that you two will find a way to each other x
I only ever thought about the best age gap for me. I would have preferred to have my kids at least 3 years apart (if not more) so one was in nursery by the time I had to deal with another baby. But as it happened, Mother Nature didn't make it easy for us when we came to start a family. So time was a-ticking when we did get pregnant, and we ended up having ours 2.5 years apart, which was hard work when they were little, but fine now that youngest is about to start school, and his big brother can't wait to be there to look out for him.
I don't think there's a perfect gap.