I was bought up in a very working class family. As a child we had nothing spare at the end of the month. All my parents’ wages were eaten up on paying for our damp and mouldy 2 bedroom terraced house, with no central heating. If we wanted hot water, my parents had to light a fire. My clothes came from charity shops or if I was lucky, I would get new clothes from the market.
My Mum worked so hard she forever looked tired and run down. She passed away young and I do believe that our lifestyle played a part in that. Holidays were few and far between. I was fortunate that I used to visit relatives for a week in the summer and this would be my yearly holiday. My parents had no such luxury. Sometimes Mum didn’t eat after Dad left. She always said she had eaten earlier or wasn’t hungry, but in truth she couldn’t afford to feed us both and she would have never seen me go without.
Fast forward to today and life is very different for me. I watched my Mum struggle her whole life and while there were always people (and still are) in a much worse position than us, I knew from a very young age that I wanted more than to merely survive, as my Mum had done all those years ago. My partner grew up in a single parent family and things were tight for them too, so despite us coming from similar backgrounds, we both knew that wasn’t what we wanted for our children. We wanted more.
And we worked hard and we got more. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have more now than I ever dreamed of. We are still very much working class, but we have a very comfortable life. We have a beautiful 3 bedroom home, in a lovely area. We don’t need to massively budget when it comes to food shopping, although we are sensible. We go on holiday a couple of times a year and that includes one holiday abroad each year. We are in a good position financially and most importantly, as a family we are happy. We have none of the pressures our parents did. We can go to bed and sleep at night, knowing that we have everything we need. We have no idea what the future holds, but for now we are loving our life together and what we have created.
I am sure I am sounding very materialistic, but that’s not the case – if it was all taken away tomorrow, then as long as we still had each other we would manage, without a doubt. But is it really that wrong to enjoy the things we have worked so hard to achieve? To be proud that we can offer our children more than we ever had? To not have to worry how we will put food on the table or keep a roof over our heads? We’ve been there and done that as children ourselves and it’s no fun!
Sadly, not everyone sees it that way. We seem to have lots of criticism from family members in particular. They seem to think that we are snobs, because of what we have got, and it kind of makes me sad. I’d never show it, but sometimes the words hurt. I’m not a snob, I don’t look down on people, and I would never comment on other people’s lives in that way. Comments such as ‘if only I had your money’ in a sarcastic tone or commenting on us affording things that they can’t. My partner works long hours to provide these things for us, and we aren’t exactly rolling in it. We just have enough to get by on without having to worry. Why can’t people just be happy for us, rather than trying to put us down, or make us feel like we are doing something wrong? Why does it even matter to anyone else how we live our lives?
Have you made a similar experience? Do your family or friends criticise you for your lifestyle and spending? How do you deal with it? Any tips would be appreciated!
Images by Pixshark and Thomas Tolkien
You know I came form a n unstable background financially and it was always a worry. I too work extremly hard so we are very stable. Be proud and block out the negatives you kknow who you are and your journey and that is all that matters. Dont feel the need to defend yours either. walk away form rude people who comment you dont need to give them airpace. x and bloody well done you
I totally understand where you’re coming from. My mum was a single parent, and for the first nine years of my life, I shared a room with her in my grandparents’ small council house.
She made it clear to me she couldn’t support me when I was older and I needed to get a career and do better.
But because I went out and did that, I was stereotyped into a “hard-nosed career woman” when I was younger.
My husband and I never talk about how much money we have (we’re comfortable, because we work hard, but by no means rich). We don’t wear designer clothes, and we don’t drive a flash car.
But I find the people who talk about how much you have are more insecure than anything – and that attitude says more about them than it does about you.
I’m so sorry you have had to endure criticism. I truly believe that criticism like that stems from envy and really the issue is with that person’s own insecurity and not with you. If you work hard then you deserve to have all the luxuries you can afford and that certainly doesn’t make you a snob. You don’t need to defend yourself to anyone x
How sad, it sounds as if your family are jealous of what you have worked hard for and now they are judging you, not the other way. Mich x
Unfortunately, the working class culture is like a crab bucket. If one starts climbing up, the others try to pull him back down. The fact is, a good parent will try to give the best possible start for his/her children, make sure they have as many opportunities as possible and can realise their full potential. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It’s a sad fact of human nature. We want our friends and family to do well but not ‘that much’ better than us. It creates distance and feeds our own insecurities.